Snippets & Quips- July 25th

State of the Union:  Hot, hot, hot.  But we are gearing up for a trip to the Rocky Mountains where the lows will be in the mid-forties!  I am digging out the jackets and jeans and looking forward to crisp mountain air.  We will be camping in Rocky Mountain National Park with Ben’s parents and visiting our good friends Brian and Kelli in Denver.  I am very excited for our vacation minus the cross-country car trip with a BUSY toddler.

I am thankful… that we live closer to St. Louis AND that we live in a hip city that people want to visit!  July has brought us many visitors: Ben’s mom and her friend Jane from North Carolina followed by my good friend Lindsay.

I am learning….about Consigment Sales.  Whoa- they are a big deal here in Nashville.  Thanks to my friend, Jess–I was able to experience this explosion of bargain steals on all things kid and baby.  She brought me as her guest for the preview sale last night, so we got first dibs on the best finds.  I spent less than 50 bucks and walked out with an armload of goodies for Everett: an easel, books, a winter coat, rain jacket, leather hiking boots, and at least 10 other fall/winter outfits.  You should have seen this church gymnasium packed with every baby/toddler need (and want) imaginable.  There is no need to ever buy anything new for Everett again now that I know about these things. Pretty fun stuff… I just might be hooked. 🙂

The “new” easel… cost me five bucks!

I wonder… if Everett’s new big boy carseat will make our 18-hour excursion to Colorado any more tolerable.  After much research and debate, we finally purchased a convertible carseat, since his little infant seat was becoming a tight squeeze.  We checked out a half dozen new books from the library for him to “read” on the drive, I’ve got bags of snacks ready for emergencies, and I even borrowed a device that will clip Ben’s iPad on the back of the seat to play videos if we really need to call in all the troops–GASP!  I have not introduced Everett to the TV yet…but I just may need to cave for this trek.  We shall see.

Getting too big for his infant car seat… but he still loves to crawl in it when I bring it inside.

On my mind: What will it take for me to discipline myself enough to write regularly?  I can’t even make weekly blog updates happen!  I am so thankful that Ben is on my case constantly–sending me links for freelance essay requests, pushing me to read his little manual on writing that helped him crank out and publish research articles, and telling me to get my butt in gear and start drafting.  Ready…begin.

On my heart: Last week, we made a quick jaunt to St. Louis to attend my father-in-law’s retirement party.  He had worked at Boeing for 36 years and we are so happy that he is trading in his white collar for grandpa play clothes and taking a much needed break from the office grind.  His company gave him a lovely sendoff, the theme being Dave’s impressive ability to balance work and family life for all those years.  He is a true role model and I am so thankful to have such an amazing father figure in my life.  All of his kids and grandkids were able to be at the party…except for Baby Max–who was at Children’s Hospital with a benign case of viral Meningitis.  He is doing great now, but my heart was heavy for Annie and Joe as they spent long days and nights watching their fragile newborn be hooked up to IV’s.  Being a parent can make you feel so vulnerable sometimes.

Weekly Reader: Still reading “Cutting for Stone”– I am really liking it, but being only 150 pages in to a 667 page novel, I feel like I am still wading through the exposition.  Just starting to get a sense of characters and setting, though many details are still murky.  I’m hoping for more time to dig in during our vacation.  I bought a spelunking light that I can wear around my head for night-reading at the campsite.  Can I get any cooler?  🙂

What’s Cooking: I made Aunt Mary’s plum cake twice for a presentable breakfast for our visitors, Bobby Flay’s pork green chili (delicious!), and Ben whipped up a molten chocolate cake on a whim Sunday evening.  We used this delectable treat as a good excuse to finish off our port from the Mayo Winery–the last bottle standing from the stores we brought back from our honeymoon in Sonoma.  See pictures below– as always we are enjoying life bite by bite around here!

Aunt Mary’s Plum Coffee Cake

Ben’s molten chocolate cake…whipped up on a whim for no special occasion at all. Am I a lucky gal or what?

“Ev”Capades:  Our cutie is still obsessed with the “trash.”  His favorite word has turned into actions–he picks up specks of dirt off the floor, digs bottles out of the recycling, and tries to throw things like the remote control and his sippy cup into the trash can.  I finally bought him his own little trash can that he keeps in his room–a good storage place for shreds of toilet paper, books, and the occasional toy or teddy bear.  Another obsession is Otis’ leash, bed, and food bowls.  He pretty much spends his time inside the house coveting these items and getting Otis riled up as a result.  Who needs a playroom?  Everett loves to read–melting my heart as he climbs into my lap with various books he’s pulled off his shelf–asking me to read.  The favorites right now are “Go, Dog, Go” and “Freight Train.”  Please Everett, be a cuddly reader forever.

Happy Highlights: Not only did my friend Lindsay’s visit give us a great chance to catch up, but it also gave me an excuse to be a Nashville tourist.  We did the Honkytonk bars on Broadway and saw a great show at the Bluebird Cafe.  And Everett and I have had lots of fun with our mom’s group–we visited a fire station and have been to many library story times.  Also- Ben won a grant from Vanderbilt for this really cool medical education project he has been dreaming up for a couples years now.  It involves using iPads to stream educational seminars for residents while they are on night shifts when they miss traditional instructional opportunities.  He is becoming really interested in a medical education emphasis… just can’t contain the teaching bug around here!  I am so proud of him.

First booster seat…. noshing at Urban Grub with Peggy and Jane.

At the Nashville Sounds (minor league baseball) game with Lindsay and Ben’s co-workers.

Little Fireman.

Driving the fire engine.

Looking Ahead: So excited to spend some time with Brian, Kelli, Ali, and Emma in Denver and to camp in the mountains with Ben, Everett, and my in-laws Dave and Peggy.  Summer is flying by, but it has been so good to us.

Waking up from nap HAPPY!

Smooshing cheeks with Mommy

My best buddy.

Snippets & Quips – July 3rd

State of the Union:  While June was full of adventures, we are happy to greet July.  Ben just finished a month in the Cardiac ICU that involved 14-hour shift work.  It was his last rotation in first year of fellowship, so I guess I should be thankful that we saved one of the busiest for the end. Everett and I spent about 10 days in St. Louis while he was doing the night shifts, which was a win-win situation: Ben got to sleep without distraction during the days and we got the chance to spend quality time with family and friends. Now July is here and things are a little calmer, though temperatures above 100 are turning our upstairs apartment into a convection oven. We are definitely missing Minnesota summertime these days!

I am thankful… for St. Louis.  Everett and I had a great trip to St. Louis last week.  It began with a weekend visit from 2 of my dearest friends from Minnesota–Julie and Stef drove down from Rochester to see us.  My aunt and uncle opened up their home–Hotel Wilhelm- and treated us all to cozy accommodations, delicious meals, and free babysitting so that the three of us could go out on the town.  The weekend left me on a “friendship high”–the sweet reunion was the kind that fills up your heart and reminds you that distance and time are mere abstractions when you are lucky enough to have concrete connections with amazing women.

The rest of our trip was equally as fulfilling: Everett had daily morning adventures to many STL hot-spots with Grandma and his cousins.  We hit up the Butterfly House, the Zoo, Tilles Park, and the Magic House.  I got to meet all the new babes in town–Winnie, Asher, and Max, as well as visit with friends in the evenings (thanks again to free babysitting). All in all, the trip made me fall in love with St. Louis all over again.  It really is a great city and more importantly, it is full of so many wonderful people who adore us.  For a while after my parents passed away, I wasn’t sure that St. Louis would ever truly be “home” for me anymore.  However, I am now feeling so thankful for all my family and friends that remind me that I have a village holding on to my roots.

I am learning… that being a mom is nature/God/a higher power’s way of making sure that we don’t ever get too cocky and believe we have this world all figured out.

I wonder… why Everett would sleep in until 7:00 each morning we were in St. Louis, but despite the two hours I spent hanging room-darkening curtains in his Nashville room upon our return, he still manages to wake up everyday at 5:30 with the sun.  I guess he wants to remind me that “sleeping in” is only for vacation.  See “I am learning…” revelation above.

On my mind: My friend Andy posted this great article from the NY Times Opinionator Blog on his Facebook page. It’s titled “The Busy Trap” and I felt like it was just the gentle scolding I have needed for the past decade.  I was guilty of heralding the busy brag while I was teaching full-time–always burdened by 150 essays that I hadn’t found time to grade– and yet I am still finding ways to keep stuffing my days as a stay-at-home mom. And this article made me realize that I am addicted to this mentality.  The writer argues that we gain a sense of importance from being busy, that our obligations are largely self-imposed, and yet we often sigh and complain about our overcommitted schedules as if they are out of our control.  He says of us busy folk, “They’re busy because of their own ambition or drive or anxiety, because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they might have to face in its absence.”  So as I stare at my weekly to-do list neatly scrawled on an index card, each item parceled out with tiny check boxes beside it just begging to be accomplished, I wonder which of those character traits is driving me the most.  Is it my ambition and drive searching for a new outlet that is not related to my college degree or professional career?  Or is it my anxiety–my need to have control over every aspect of my life, my need to keep forging ahead in the face of challenge?  Regardless, this article has me thinking and as I continue to wrestle with my stay-at-home-mom/temporarily-on-a-hiatus-teacher/aspiring-writer-and-seeker-of-new-hobbies identity crisis.  Whew–at least I will be able to check “blog post” off my to-do list this afternoon.

On my heart: My thoughts and prayers are with a friend of mine who just went through a major headache/seizure medical crisis that has turned her world upside down.   Sadly, she can’t even lift her 14-month old son while she recovers.  I am reminded never to take my health for granted and am wishing her lots of support and positive mindsets as she recovers.

Weekly Reader: I finally finished Half Broke Horses– another great read from Jeannette Walls.  Someday I aspire to tell my own family stories with such candor and grace.  I’m currently reading a memoir by Anne Enright called Making Babies for my book club and simultaneously reading Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese.  I haven’t been sucked in by Enright yet, but that may be because Verghese keeps winning the contest of which book I pick up for those blinking moments of bedtime reading. Verdicts TBD.

What’s Cooking: Zucchini muffins for Ev to gobble, salmon with warm lentil and arugula salad (one of our favorites), and southwestern barley salad (a concoction I will be throwing together this evening).

“Ev”Capades:  At long last, I think I can safely say that our little dude is officially a walker.  After a week in St. Louis walking all over the city holding Grandma’s finger and watching his older cousins amble about, Ev finally decided to leap over the hurdle.  After a good month of only taking unassisted steps toward coaxing open arms, he is finally setting off on his own and taking the world by storm.  I love the way he holds both arms high in the air when he walks–which is probably for extra balance–but I like to think it’s his way of cheering himself on as he solidifies his new toddler identity.  He has also officially uttered his first real word.  While he has had many inflections of “da” for “dog” and “dad” and even to address me (quite similar to the way “ma” stands for different words in the Chinese language depending on accents and speaking tone), he finally has articulated a word with both a beginning and ending consonant sound.  Any guesses on what it is?  You might guess “car” or “book” or “eat” or simple expressions like “hi” or “bye” or “go.”  But that would just be too mundane and predictable for our little adventurer.  I am a bit saddened to admit that my son’s first real word is: TRASH.  Yep-that’s right. He identifies and expressively labels every wastebasket he encounters, every dirty diaper I tightly wad, every fallen speck of food or paper on the floor.  While it is adorable, I am incredibly jealous that the garbage gets verbal recognition before I do…still waiting to hear “mama”, my sweet boy.  I also can’t help but wonder what it means that he picked “trash” of all the other engaging objects that fill his world–now there’s a way to psychoanalyze my mothering!  I’ll resist for now and just wait in anticipation for word #2.

Happy Highlights: We were welcomed back to Nashville this week by our wonderful neighbors and friends.  We spent yesterday at Monkey Joe’s with Amanda, Ava, and Cole and had a great time at library story time this morning with Band of Mothers.

Looking Ahead: Fourth of July tomorrow and Ben has a day off!  We are psyched!  There’s a children’s wagon/bike parade at the park across the street and a block party in our neighborhood in the afternoon/evening.  Have I mentioned how much I adore our little community here?

We are VERY in to climbing these days! No one warned me that this skill came in conjunction with walking.

Bonding time with cousins!

Checking out The Butterfly House!

Petting a goat with Grandma.

The BBQ potato chip and red wine tradition lives on! With Julie and Stef in St. Louis.

Snippets & Quips – June 4th

State of the Union:  We have been busy, but having lots of summertime fun!  We spent Memorial Day weekend camping in Pensacola.  Everett was enamored by the beach and could have happily played in the sand and tickling tide for hours.  It was a HOT weekend though, so we had to limit our outdoor sun exposure time to early morning and early evening.  He still slept peacefully each night in the tent, but naps were a different story.  Given that the heat turned our tent into a daytime sauna, we were sentenced to afternoon drives with hopes that the roaring A/C and motion would bring Ev a few sandbags.  All in all, we had a wonderful little vacation.  Everett got to break lots of “rules”–very little napping, staying up past bedtime, and eating lots of salty Goldfish crackers in the sand.  Despite the lack of sleep and excess of junk food, he was a “happy camper” once again and we look forward to our next outdoor adventure!

I am thankful… for my solid and loving marriage.  Ben and I will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary this week (and that’s 14 total years since our first kiss in case anyone is counting!)  To celebrate, my thoughtful guy made me dinner Sunday evening.  Thanks to online archives of Gourmet magazine, he located a recipe that he cooked for me in December of 1998 when I came home for holiday break from college.  I think it was to celebrate our 6 month “anniversary” of dating–a real milestone at the time.  He was just a senior in high school, but he knew well enough to take his wooing prowess to the kitchen.  I remember being highly impressed by the meal complete with different wine pairings for the appetizer, entree, and dessert–though at that time, I think we both thought wine tasted like rotten grape juice and we’d probably never even heard of a kumquat.  While both our palates and love have matured, the dinner still tasted just as delicious and made me feel even more special than a lovesick teenager.  Sauteed Chicken Over Wilted Spinach With Kumquat Sauce–food to nourish memories and the heart.

I am learning… how to be artistic!  This past week, I went to one of those “sip and stroke” places where you bring your own wine and an artist guides you step-by-step through the process of turning a blank canvas into art.  I usually cringe when I have to free-hand a stick figure, so I figured this would be an experience but did not expect to bring home anything wall worthy.  Once I let go of my perfectionist urge to make each brushstroke follow the exact trajectory as the modeling artists’, I felt a sense of calm and play take over.  Blending, streaking, smudging, dotting, blotting…oranges, pinks, and shades of blue ultimately turned into a decent– if not pleasant–sunset scene.  I must make time for this type of creation more often.  While there is no latent Picasso here, I think there could be a new hobby tugging on my sleeve.

I wonder… if I need to change the title of these blog posts.  My “snippets” seem to be growing into full-size canvases and my “quips” are more like reflective wordstorms.  “Blankets and Yarns”?  Doesn’t have the same ring.

On my mind: Letting go of opportunities.  I have lots of thoughts on this experience that I will save for a longer post, but I turned down two different part-time job opportunities last week.  The short story is that neither were a perfect fit and I have reconciled my identity crisis enough to realize that I really just want to focus on being a mommy for a little while without always having that “something extra” on my  plate to fulfill me but also to nag me and make me feel torn.  I’m going to use this time of career absence to find something that I have lost in adulthood….or more accurately never quite found: hobbies.

On my heart: My friend’s brother who suffered an aneurism while studying abroad.  He is making some progress and will likely be airlifted back to the states this week, but has a long road ahead to recovery.  While these types of situations are always hard for everyone close to the sick or injured, I find myself with a different and deeper emotional tug now that I am a mother.  My heart goes out to his mom, who has been wading through a different language and culture to be in a foreign country’s ICU with her son.  I just can’t even fathom that level of worry and heartache and desperate hope.

Weekly Reader: I’m about halfway through Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls.  I am loving the narrator’s matter-of-fact and unadorned voice that tells an intriguing “true-life” tale of American history, while showcasing the richness of an individual’s adventure through life.  After doing extensive family research, Walls is telling the memoir of her maternal grandmother–another beautiful blending of fiction and nonfiction spun with an unexpected tone.  It’s hard to rival her first work, The Glass Castle, which will forever stand in my top five list, but I am enjoying the read quite a bit.

What’s Cooking: We decided to join a meat CSA this year and have been really happy with our first month’s bounty.  So far we’ve had pork chops, a steak, Italian sausages, and hamburger.  It truly does taste better than anything we’ve purchased from the grocery store and we feel good knowing that it comes from a sustainable farm just miles from our kitchen.  We are also on a beet kick again, roasting up some yellow and red jewels from the farmer’s market to decorate an arugula salad with parmesan and walnuts.  Yum…looking forward to that meal this week!

“Ev”Capades: On Friday (June 1st), Everett officially took his first steps between me and Ben.  There were only about 3 topsy turvy shuffles, but he made it as a biped for that short route!  He is getting pretty comfortable holding our finger and walking, cruising on furniture, and even doing some rocking downward facing dog poses in preparation for a free stand-up.  I think we only have a couple more weeks before this boy is running and never stops!  Sign language is going great–he has mastered “please” and seems to be able to follow one-step directions more and more aptly everyday.  We gave up bottles about 3 weeks ago and except for Everett’s desire to rise with the sun (at 5:20), he is sleeping really well: about 10-11 hours at night and one big nap in the afternoon that often lasts 3-4 hours.

Happy Highlights: This past weekend, Ben participated in the first annual Sylvan Park Yard Olympics.  A plan that he plotted with our friend Chris turned into a truly impressive showing of fraternity and frivolilty.  While Ben contributed his heavily worn washer’s set, Chris and some of our other neighbors put a ton of work into the Saturday event that included 36 guys (18 teams) competing in 9 events ranging from “beersbee” to “cornhole” to “darts”.  There were even opening ceremonies that included a torch lighting.  The gals mostly corralled the kiddos, but it was a lot of fun to watch a bunch of grown men be silly and soak up their share of competition, sunshine, and beer, of course.  Here’s a “promotional” video that our friend Chris made to give you a taste of the shenanigans.

Looking Ahead: June!  So much to look forward to this month!  How is it already summertime?  I’m looking forward to lots of pool and splash time with Ev.  This week my mom’s group is heading to a great new splash park downtown and to the zoo.  I’m so thankful to have found Band of Mothers–such a great group of women and kiddos!  I’m also excited for my friend Deborah to come visit, who I have not seen in about 4 years–and also to see my dear friends Julie and Stef who will drive to St. Louis from Minnesota just for a reunion with me.  My St. Louis visit will also include meeting new babies!  Baby Winnie and Baby Asher are here and doing great!  And here’s hoping that my new nephew-Baby Max-will be here by my visit as well.  So many tiny toes to tickle and mamas to hug! I can’t wait!

The night we arrived…first time feeling his toes in the sand!

Eating his share of southern soul food! (This was a kid’s meal!)

My masterpiece!

Check out the outfit… Ben and Tom getting ready for their first olympic game: Sholf.

Snippets & Quips – May 18th

State of the Union:  Warm sunshine, summer on the brink.  Life is good.  I’ve got one more week of work left.  I’ve really enjoyed conducting final assessments and seeing how much my little readers have improved since the fall.  Of course, I am getting sentimental with these kiddos as I reach the last few days of this job…but in the end, I know that moving on to other opportunities is the right move.  On that note, I have a couple of offers on the table for new part-time jobs.  While I am thankful, I am also still in that constant state of turmoil.  Part of me really wants to jump on and ride these waves, while part of me yearns for calmer waters.  Do I go with scatter or focus? An Impressionistic blur of bustle and busy…or a still-life landscape with crisp edges and finite borders?  Both portraits are rich and full and worthy of high art, but offer such different experiences for the creator.

I am thankful… for a thoughtful husband! On Mother’s Day, Ben woke up with Everett and made me a special breakfast: waffles with homemade strawberry syrup and fresh whipped cream.  It was delightful.  That afternoon, I had a good phone chat with my wonderful like-a-mom “Aunt C” and enjoyed some summer clothes shopping by myself.  How I love to shop alone!–perusing the sale rack for an hour with no pressure to move on, dawdling in the dressing room, wandering mindlessly through the swarms of harried shoppers. A great mama’s day and start to the week!

I am learning… to just keep putting myself out there and opportunities will surface.  It can be a difficult thing to do in both the personal and professional realms, but I have found that taking advantage of any opportunity to get to know someone or explore a new experience is usually rewarding.  In the past year, I have landed job opportunities and developed many great friendships by taking a few risks and unfurling my assets, quirks, and weaknesses for others to see.  Some days, it feel exhausting–but in the end, I think it builds a richer life.

I wonder… how Ev will do on our big camping trip next weekend.  We are headed to the beach for Memorial Day weekend!  Driving to Pensacola to set up camp near the sandy shore. Everett was a fantastic camper as a 6-month old…but he was not really mobile yet.  We shall see what new adventures this second round will bring!  I will have to suppress my spazzy mom flare-ups when Everett attempts to crawl into fire ant mounds and eat sand, but I am excited to watch him dip his toes in the tide.  Perhaps he’ll surprise us all and take his first steps on the sand!

On my mind: I must get into a workout routine.  Ben and I are both in a total rut of inactivity.  I really don’t have any good excuses.  I’ve been running once a week with my friend Jess, which has been a great motivator–but it’s starting to get too hot for my defective sweat glands to cope.  My plan is to reactivate our Y membership this week and to try to do the free yoga in the park on Saturdays whenever Ben is off.  I just feel physically weak–so my aim is to focus on core strengthening and muscle tone, rather than abiding by my typical philosophy that a workout is not a real “work out” unless it involves intense cardio.

On my heart: Everett has started to show a glimmer of a desire to cuddle…for the first time since he left my womb!  He will crawl up to me and play a game where he lays his head on my chest and then lifts it to grin at me and giggle.  He repeats this process three or four times before needing to secure his independence and scurry away.  I am in heaven.  Yesterday, he even let me hold him in my lap to read four or five books in a row (we usually can’t get through 1!)  His current favorite is Dr. Seuss’ Alphabet.  He giggles at every page…especially G: “Goat in Goo Goo Goggles!”  My sweet boy.

Weekly Reader: Trying to power read through “Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys” before my mom’s book club meeting on Tuesday.  It’s been an interesting read… the overarching takeaway is the importance of modeling and teaching boys how to express their emotions.  Goodbye macho man.

What’s Cooking: Garlic scapes!  So excited they are finally at the Farmer’s Market!  We discovered these gems at our farmer’s market in Minnesota and have spent the last few weeks hounding the farmers here about their harvest date.  They are only in season for a short time, so we bought 3 bunches last week and will probably do the same tomorrow.  If you’ve never tasted them, I highly recommend you harass your local farmers and check them out.  Sautee them in a little butter with salt and pepper–just like a garlicky green bean.  Yum!  Other new recipes we tried this week: Cuban black bean stew and a sausage, kale, white bean & polenta dish.  Both turned out to be good, quick vegetarian meals to add to our rotation.

“Ev”Capades: We are in a screaming phase.  My little boy’s volume dial is stuck on max decibels.  Some times these banshee calls are just in fun, but other times they are shrieks of frustration.  With being right on the cusp of both walking and forming some words, I think his little brain is telling his body to do things he can’t quite manifest yet.  Everett’s getting closer to walking everyday and will now walk while holding on to our fingers.  We are so excited for him to grasp this big move towards independence!

Happy Highlights: We toured the Hatcher Dairy Farm with my mom’s group this week.  We’ve been buying our milk from them every week at our farmer’s market, so it was great to see the farm in action.  Everett enjoyed petting the cows and climbing on the hay bales…and he got his first taste of chocolate milk.  I’m just so happy that he is able to drink milk and that we are not forking over funds for Neocate Toddler!

Looking Ahead: Ben’s on call this weekend, so Ev and I will have some mommy-son bonding time.  Next week, we’ll be gearing up for our trip to ‘da beach’!  We leave on Friday when Ben gets off from call.  We’ll be doing an anti-rain dance and hoping for smooth car travels and peaceful nights under the stars!

Petting Ivy, the dairy cow.

Milking the cow! 🙂

Climbing the hay bales in the dairy barn!

Giddy up!

Snippets & Quips – May 4th

State of the Union:  Besides the fact that I am wrestling with a sinus infection this week, all is well in the Morrison household.  We had a great visit with family in St. Louis last weekend complete with a morning at Hartford Coffee Company–one of our favorite spots near my old apartment in Tower Grove.  And Ben continues to get home before 5:00 at least 2 days a week… I will be sad for the Nuclear Medicine rotation to end!

I am thankful… to have found great babysitters for Everett.  Our regular “nanny” while I work, Morgan, just left to go back home to Oregon for the summer.  While we will miss her, we have found Allie, who has proven to be a rock star caretaker for Ev.  I only have a few more days of work left before the school year ends, but I feel so fortunate to be able to leave my baby in such great hands.

I am learning… to accept the fact that I will not be able to keep my house clean.  As I unload the dishwasher, Everett unloads the Tupperware drawer, covering plastic lids and tubs with dog hair and toddler drool.  As I fold clean laundry, Everett unfolds it and drapes it across the floor.  As I corral toys, Everett scatters them.  I’ve never been a great housekeeper, but I’m learning that now is not the time to tackle this self-improvement goal.

I wonder… when Everett will walk!  He seems to be getting stronger and more coordinated every day, but lacking the confidence to stand up on his own.

On my mind: I’ve got a job interview next week for an assistant teaching position at the Vanderbilt Reading Clinic.  I also have applications sent off to Nashville State Community College and Belmont University for adjunct teaching positions in their English and Education departments.  Still perseverating on the possibilities for part-time work…

On my heart: I’ve got two good friends who are expecting babies this month.  Courtney will have her first in just a couple short weeks and Annie will have her FOURTH just after that.  I am so excited for both of them and am sending them positive vibes for fast and healthy deliveries.

Weekly Reader: I finished  In Zanesville by Jo Ann Beard and am still working on Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls.  I’m also about 40 pages into Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys.  I was disappointed with Beard’s new book, since I loved her collection of short stories Boys of My Youth so much.

What’s Cooking: a new pasta recipe from Whole Foods that turned out great- first time I ever grated zucchini!  Perhaps I will try zucchini bread now!

“Ev”Capades: Mock-walking.  Constantly.  It’s all that Everett wants to do!  Every time we go outside, he points at the push toy that sits on our porch and begs to walk the sidewalks.  He spends his time in our apartment either using the Wheely Bug as a walker or grabbing dining room chairs and taking them for spins to all corners of our house.  Everett also loves to give Otis his “cookies” when we come in from walks.  He reaches into the bag and pulls out 1-or if Otis is lucky-2 biscuits to give him.  It’s a pretty cute ritual.

Happy Highlights: Our nephew Clark’s 3rd birthday party on Saturday was a blast. My sister-in-law Annie did such an adorable job with monster-themed decorations, games, and of course a monster eyeball cake!

Looking Ahead: Our dear friends, Kerri and Phil, are coming to visit us from Minnesota this weekend.  They are bringing their daughter, Annie, who is just 4 months older than Everett.  We haven’t seen them since we moved from Rochester in June of 2011, so it will be such a sweet reunion.

Posing for a picture at Cousin Clark’s Monster Mash!

Snippets & Quips – April 26th

State of the Union:  Ben is on a new rotation- something involving Nuclear Medicine…it sounds very space-age, but we are delighted that he has been home earlier in the evenings. We just had a great visit with Ben’s parents last weekend and are currently savoring the cool, sunny days before the summer heat creeps in.

I am thankful… that Everett is finally sleeping through the night!  I feel like a new woman with this newfound uninterrupted sleep.

I am learning… how to communicate with a 13-month old.  We don’t have any discernible words quite yet (not even a 100% clear “dada” or “mama”), just lots of sounds and babble.  However, Ev is a master pointer and waver.  He is teaching me the subtleties and art of nonverbal communication.  My favorite is the “pat, pat, pat” he gives me on the back after crawling up into my lap and throwing his arms around my neck.  I am sure this must mean “I love you, mama.”

I wonder… where we will be in three years? Ben came home yesterday with a “wild hair” about being a cardiologist abroad for a year when we finish at Vandy.  The program he was eyeing was in New Zealand!

On my mind: Do I want a new part-time job for next year?  What does the “perfect” part-time position look like for me?  Does it exist?  I have cast out a few applications–the Vanderbilt Reading Clinic and a couple adjunct teaching positions at universities here in Nashville.  Just watching and wondering about opportunities, but not really feeling stress or urgency.

On my heart: My dear friend and neighbor Katie lost her grandmother this week.  Their family has had a rough April.  Their little 2-year old guy broke his femur six weeks ago and has been in a body cast.  Thankfully the cast comes off this Monday-hooray!  Despite their challenges, both Katie and Chris have remained upbeat and incredibly thoughtful neighbors.  They are even going to take care of Otis this weekend while we are away.  We are so fortunate to have them as dear friends.

Weekly Read: I finished The Art of Racing in the Rain last weekend and started two new books: In Zanesville by Jo Ann Beard and Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls.  I also checked out Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys from the library–it’s our next mom’s book club read.  I’m usually not one to read many books at once, but I may need to break this rule.

What’s Cooking: barbacoa tacos, Ben’s homemade shortcake and whipped cream with strawberries from the Farmer’s Market, sautéed kale rapini (our new favorite discovery at the market), and strawberry oat muffins (made from the gallon of strawberries Everett and I picked on Tuesday).

“Ev”Capades: Everett is busy, busy, and on the move!  He is pulling up on my legs and asking to be picked up, which I adore–mostly because this is the first time he has shown any inclination towards cuddling with me.  He is cruising on furniture, loves to go down the slide, and enjoys walking with his push toy on the sidewalks.  His favorite activities are to page through books (especially “Dear Zoo”- Thanks, Aunt Mary!) and empty drawers.  Every time he wakes up, he stands in his crib and points at his book shelf until I get him a new book to look through…melts my heart!

Happy Highlights: This week we picked strawberries at an adorable little family farm out towards Lebanon, TN.  Everett loved crawling through the patch and plucking the sweet red berries right from the stem to his mouth.  We had our downstairs neighbors- Amanda and Brad- up for dinner on  Sunday.  They have adorable twins, Ava & Cole, who are just 2 months  older than Everett. How lucky are we to share a house with such a fun couple and great playmates for Ev!

Looking Ahead: We are heading to St. Louis tomorrow night when Ben gets off work.  Our nephew Clark is having a “Monster Bash” to celebrate his 3rd birthday.  Given that we have been living further away from MO, this is the first time we get to make it to one of his birthday celebrations.  These weekends are always over in a blink of an eye, but it will be great to see family and friends.

Being “Part-Time” and Other Excuses

Confession: I just tried to log in to my own blog and failed, because I had forgotten the password. Sad story–with a moral that calls for reclaiming priorities and balance.

I have a million excuses for why I haven’t written since November, but I vow not to launch into a cathartic rant detailing the strata of stressors that have kept me away from this reflection post.  However, I do feel the need to play a quick game of “catch-up”, so that I can bring this blog back to good standing.  And if I’m honest- this post probably will be cathartic for me, but I will try not to rant as I write about just one layer of my life these past five months: my part-time job–the primary conflict this protagonist has faced in the story of new roles and new pursuits in Nashville.

“Part-Time”–as difficult for me as parting the Red Sea!

In early November, I began working as a part-time Reading Specialist at a brand new charter school in South Nashville.  The opportunity more or less fell in my lap and the perceived flexibility of the job tempted me on to the slippery precipice of part-time teaching.  The deal seemed even sweeter when I was able to hire a wonderful babysitter for Everett–a college freshman with a class schedule that allowed her to come watch Everett in our home the two mornings that I would work each week.  It seemed perfect–I got to get out of my sweatpants and use my academic brain for a few hours each week and Everett could still maintain the regimented nap schedule that he (umm-I mean I) was so addicted to.  I felt a little nervous taking this step at first…after all–I had very deliberately made the decision that I wanted to take a “break” after 9 years of teaching to be a stay-at-home mom and that’s what I truly wanted to do when we moved to Nashville…wasn’t it?  By accepting this part-time job, I was also accepting that I was not 1oo% sure about my goals, my roles, my desires.  Was being a stay-at-home mom enough for me?  Did I need to teach in order to preserve the “self” I knew?  So to answer these questions, I began working from 9 to noon on Mondays and Wednesdays.  I don’t have the energy now to bore you with the details of how this job pursuit has turned out, so I will just gloss the experience with some lessons that I have learned along the way.  And like any good meditative musing on self, these lessons come in pairs and often in paradox:

Lesson #1.  It was therapeutic to be forced to get out of my workout clothes, take a shower, and don professional attire at least two days a week.

AND….

Lesson #2.  Many days, it was very stressful to make myself and my house presentable.

After many a long sleepless night due to teething, snot, or God only knows…all I wanted to do was stay in a sports bra and boycott anyone–especially the young, sweet 18-year old I’ve entrusted with my child–from entering the squalor of dirty dishes and laundry that mounted.  Because to do so would let out my secret: I am not the perfect mom, but I expect you to be the perfect babysitter for my perfect son while I am away.  (OK- so I don’t really place these kinds of expectations on my nanny nor do I think Everett is the Messiah, but it was really really hard at first to hand over control when it came to caring for Ev- even if it was only for 8 hours a week.)

Lesson #3.  It was rewarding to work in a high-need school, to re-claim my Teach For America roots and fight the Achievement Gap, to put my Master’s degree to the test diagnosing and remediating reading deficiencies…

AND….

Lesson #4.  It was incredibly frustrating to be a marginal presence both in the building and in the lives of these struggling 5th grade readers.  I was only willing to sacrifice two mornings a week away from Everett…and these kids needed and deserved so much more than I could give.

Lesson #5.  Working for a new start-up charter school was inspiring and important work…and this different school structure lent itself well to the creation of flexible part-time positions for stay-at-home moms that wanted to dip their toes back in the water.

AND….

Lesson #6.  Working for a brand new school led to many frustrations that I won’t detail here…and at this point in my life, there are compromises and sacrifices I’m just not willing to make.

While I have certainly endured many aggravations and stressors throughout my career, I found myself taking it so much more personally when I felt my time was wasted or that I wasn’t valued.  This wasn’t “just a job” anymore.  It was precious time spent away from my son.  And when I looked at it this way, the headaches just weren’t worth it.

Lesson #7.  Part-time teaching is probably not something I can do…at least the “part-time” part.

Surprise, surprise–I still don’t know how to set limits.  While I was only working 2 mornings a week, I still found myself planning, analyzing data, scouring resources, etc. for countless more hours each day such that I was spending the little time I had with Ben in the evenings burdened with “homework”.

AND….

Lesson #8.  Being a Part-time mom left me wishing and seeking…

Ultimately, I wanted those hours back.  I wanted the time with Everett, but also with myself.  I wanted more time for the little but important things that I had embraced since becoming a mom…updating Everett’s baby book, cooking and baking and finding new healthy meals for both Ben and Everett to try, using the jogging stroller for what it was intended for…(umm-RUNNING), reading, playgroups, and of course….THIS BLOG.

The Conclusion: I am seeing this job through until the end of the school year (May 24th, but who’s counting?)  After that, I will resume my full-time work as a stay-at-home mom while also keeping an open mind and eye for other opportunities and ways to give and be my best self.  These may include other career endeavors or may not…I am looking forward to whatever unfolds.  I do not regret the last five months or that I tried on part-time work for size.  This get-up just didn’t fit…and in the process of pulling at the seams and adjusting the hemlines, I learned an awful lot about myself.

Who wants to write lesson plans when you can hang out with these silly guys?

November Nostalgia

It’s the end of November.  Every year, the closing of the 11th month brings me a flood of memories and emotions.

First comes my mom’s birthday on the 21st.  This year, she would have been 56.  I remember how she used to joke about what would happen to her when she was old.  Anytime we would see advertisements on television for Delmar Gardens nursing home, she would tell me that if I put her there after she was old and senile, she would come back to haunt me…and that she wouldn’t be a friendly ghost like Charlie, the supposed spirit that she christened as the creator of the mysterious creaks and squeaks in our old home on Suffolk Avenue.  She would be a supreme “shit disturber” (her words–you’d understand if you knew my mother.)  I suppose the only upside of her early death is that she didn’t have to suffer the frustrations and anxieties of growing old and losing independence.  And each time I see the billboard of the old lady on the porch swing grinning a gummy smile for Delmar Gardens, I can’t help but crack a smile of my own.

Next comes, Thanksgiving.  A time for family, culinary gluttony, and most of all–gratitude. This year was my first Thanksgiving as a mom and I couldn’t contain the explosive feeling of gratitude I feel for my (literally) bouncing baby boy.  Everett is getting bigger by the minute and his personality is sparking.  Many times, I just look at him and think “What an incredible gift.” There truly is no blessing greater.  Even with the damper of leaving Ben in Nashville to work through Thanksgiving Day and the following weekend, Everett and I had a wonderful visit with family in St. Louis.  We spent most of our time with Ben’s parents and sisters.  I am continuously grateful to have been adopted by such wonderful in-laws.  They are so easy to be around and seamlessly fill up the void of not having my own parents around.  Whenever I hear my girlfriends vent about their tumultuous and complicated relationships with their husbands’ families, I smile and nod sympathetically…and secretly revel in my own good “in-law” fortune.

The subsequent notches on my nostalgic November are the sorest.  This year, the 26th marked the 4 year anniversary of my dad’s death, followed by the 28th marking the 7 year anniversary of my mom’s death.  This past year has been a particularly pensive year for me in regards to my parents’ early deaths.  Becoming a mother has brought me a new sense of connectedness to my late parents.  I find myself wishing that I could ask the most mundane questions about my own childhood…and their parenting experiences.  

What was I like when I was 8 months old?  Did I squirm relentlessly when I had my diaper changed too?  When did I first pull up on the coffee table?  What types of mushed purees were my favorite?  Did you worry incessantly over the littlest things too?  What can I expect next in this great parenting caper?

But most of all there is a new wave of grief to endure.  The sadness I feel that Everett will never know his maternal grandparents.  That “Grandma Mary” and “Grandpa Dan” will just be fading images on old photographs and historical figures in random stories told.  And I grieve for them…that they are not here enjoying this incredible chapter.  My mom would be doing backflips spoiling Everett, sending him care packages in the mail, and gracing his little button nose with a “binky” tap just like she did to me for all those years.

But, it will be these joyful memories of my parents that I will resurrect.  Having children of my own will give me an audience for these stories, a reason to extract all of my parents’ goodness and infuse it in my own parenting style.  I have already begun.  In honor of my dad, I sing Beatles’ lullabies to Everett each night.  In honor of my mom, I stick colorful name labels on Everett’s bottles, even though there is no other reason to identify them as his other than pure whimsicality.

So like every year at this time, I forge ahead into December…echoing the cliche: I can’t believe that the Christmas season is here already!  I wrestled the Christmas decorations out of our storage unit today and am ready to flood our new Tennessee apartment with my mom’s favorite handcrafted wooden Santas made by my grandfather and Uncle Mike.  My heart is heavy but full.  Heavy with memories and a little bit of grief for what could have been, but full of love and excitement for the new adventures that lie ahead. In the weeks and months ahead, we will experience Everett’s first Christmas, his first awkward step, his first words.  And those joyful moments will just keep coming as the years pass…and for these reasons, the end of November is not all grey and gloom.  Just hazy with nostalgia and lots of sunshine peeking through.

My parents at my Aunt Cindy's wedding 1974

My dad and me in November of 1980. I am the same age as Everett here.

Erica at 8 months

Everett at 8 months

Thanksgiving 2011

Everett at Thanksgiving Dinner

With Grandma at the Science Center

Exploring at the Science Center

Fall has fallen!

Last weekend we went on a family hike at Percy Warner Park, a beautiful web of hiking trails and dense forest here in Nashville that makes you feel like you journeyed 50 miles outside of the city despite the fact that it is only 10 minutes from our doorstep.  Everett loved the bird’s eye view from his first ride in the back pack; Otis treated his nose to a wide array of bushes, trunks, and leaf piles.  Ben and I marveled at how gorgeous the fall leaves are right now.  The colors just seem much more vibrant than we ever remember seeing in the Minnesota tundra.

As Everett approaches the big 8 month mark, he continues to develop quite the personality.  He loves to army crawl around and touch everything that he is not supposed to.  Every day I spread a big quilt out on the floor in our living room scattered with all of his favorite blocks, rattles, and teethers.  However, within seconds he army crawls off the blanket and heads towards the television wires (so easy to grip), the trash can (big shiny metal), the corner of the floor and wall (a nice hard surface to gnaw that is unfortunately always dusted with a dog hair clump), and any shoes that we forgot to stow away.  When I redirect him, he protests quite emphatically.  A little firecracker already.

Halloween with a little one was a blast!  In honor of the Cardinal’s trip to the World Series this year, I decided to dress Everett up as our very own cardinal.  I wanted to conquer my fear of all things crafty, so I decided to take a stab at a homemade costume.  I was surprisingly happy with the results!  Since I put him in it before STL won the series, I think our little Ev-Bird mascot just might have been the good luck charm!

Halloween was quite the spectacle in our new neighborhood.  Apparently Sylvan Park has a reputation for being “the” hot hood for trick or treating.  Our neighbors counted over 500 kiddos on their doorstep…and this was not counting infants and adults!  I bought six huge bags of candy in anticipation of the deluge of sugar-crazed cuties and ran out of the goods by 6:45.  There were entire yards transformed into haunted museums, ghosts and pumpkins adorning every front porch, and even an incredibly scary skeleton on ten-foot stilts.  My mom, certified Halloween nut, would have swooned over this scene.  Here is Ev with his neighborhood buddies about an hour before Park Avenue transformed into a Mardi Gras style masquerade (minus the Hurricanes and boobs.)

Our neighbors across the street also threw a rockin’ Halloween party for the adults.  In a last-minute costume quest, Ben and I decided to ignite some “Summer Lovin'” as Danny & Sandy.  Not bad for a trip to Target at 5:00 pm the night of the party!

And today, the 7th of November, boasted glorious sunshine and highs in the 70s.  While I am a bit nostalgic reading my Minnesota friends’ Facebook posts about the impending five inches about to drop on Rochester tonight, I am thankful to still be wearing flip-flops.

Gratitude Haiku: Fall Edition

There seems to be so much to be thankful for…I’ll just have to craft a few haikus here:

A long mild Autumn

Porch parties with great neighbors

Long chats with dear friends

Weekend festivals

A gaggle of visitors

The crunch of dried leaves

7 Months!

October baseball

My dad’s soup with pumpkin beer

Bursting yellow mums

Strong growth and weight gain

Army crawling and new teeth

Joyful little man

Everett modeling his mummy shirt from Great Aunt "C"